It's my recovery.... and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to
Cry if I want to
It had been 2 days since I had seen Apis as I got a cold and was advised by the nurses to take 2 days off from seeing her. My sister Valerie and my Mom had been doing the hospital shifts and they had been taking great care of her. I had missed her and was happy to see her again. Her nausea had continued but the vomiting had stopped (for the most part) and her trips to the bathroom were less frequent. She still did not feel great but was a bit better. She continued to be on the anti-nausea medication and also started anti-heartburn medication which made a big difference!
She had very little appetite and we were starting to wonder if it (also) had something to do with the hospital food. How can someone recovering from such a harsh surgery be expected to eat lentils and corn? Or a tuna salad sandwich that tasted like miracle whip? Or chocolate cookies that would make anybody bloated? Mom decided to start bringing in homemade food for her and she has been noticing the difference... she is eating again... small amounts but consistently in the last 24 hours. Her energy level has slowly been improving as well and she has been walking around today which was a big change from yesterday when my mom took her around on a wheelchair as she was too weak to go walking anywhere but was feeling restless.
She has been emotional and sad at times which is completely understandable. And we worry about it... obviously... I saw her shed a few tears in the morning as she was struggling to eat her breakfast. She was afraid to push herself to eat and get sick again/start vomiting. It broke my heart and it worried me - how can I stop her from crying? Should I worry about her becoming depressed? Then it hit me.... It's HER recovery.... and SHE will cry if SHE wants to (or NEEDS TO). Why is it that we don’t often allow ourselves to feel and to acknowledge that we are going through a difficult time? Or that we are struggling? Isn’t that a better alternative than the “serenity now... insanity later” motto that forces us to suppress our feelings? We should be happy that she is expressing those feelings and dealing with them in a healthy way.
And so, I let her cry. And then we hugged. And soon after she ate her breakfast and even drank all her Boost meal supplement. Then I snuck off to the washroom and had a good cry myself...