Sunday, 1 July 2012

Learning to eat

Happy canada day! .

I have a bit more energy throughout the day, though it comes and goes. I wasn't liking the feeling of codeine... Hard enough to move about, but all groggy from that was a no no. So far managing okay with just ibuprofen, though some times are better than others.

Eating is still a challenge. I amtaking my anti nausea and other meds, which has definitely helped... But the digestive system is still trying to sort itself out after all the manhandling. There is also the issue of appetite, which simply isnt there...it feels so odd. .

I have always loved food. I enjoy cooking it, eating it. I love trying to grow our veggies, going blueberry picking... Social ocassions over baked goods or a dinner with family are wonderful. Now though, food is this foreign being... I look at it and reecognize it, but my body just doesnt want it. I may have to look for alternatives for creating appetite; for now every meal I try to introduce a different food and see how it goes. Pasta seems a winner! .

What is this emotions thing?.

I am awake and alert more and more each day. Some are a better times thanothers; since now my uterus and the remaining ovary and bits are gone, I think the effects of early menopause are starting up. I see dr. T on tuesday, so hormone replacement therapy is one of the things I will ask about. .

Other possibility is that i am just shell shocked, honestly. Up to this point i had jutted up my chin and just marched forward, not really letting myself think too hard. Now there is a mix of hope and terror trying to balance out each other, and I suspect that may take a while. Chris has helped me through the moods... My calm, patient love.having my family here, hearing Aiden playing with his cousins...its amazing. Day by day!!! .

Any cards, drawings,messages... Thank you!!!! It makes my day to hear from you guys. I hope to make a scrapbook of all of them as I recover, to remind me of all that amazing love in the grey days. Still at my sisters, for mailing them. chemo will be in the fall, but not thinking about that now...day by day, as colleen told me...a little stronger, a bit more like myself.

9 comments:

  1. Time really is the only thing that it will take. Time to get used to things again, time to heal, time to sort through everything.

    It's good that you're eating again, even if you have no appetite. In my opinion, pasta is always the answer! Just keep trying things, and you'll start to find more and more that will be good for you.

    I think you really are still shell shocked. You've been through a lot! Emotional upheaval is to be expected with that, and you deserve to be as emotionally up and down as you want. Though definitely talk to your doc about it. He'll probably have some good advice.

    Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and don't hesitate to rely on the people around you, and all of us that love you.

    *HUGS*!!!

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  2. Soup! ;-)

    hope to send a postcard from new York, how much longer will you be in Calgary? Otherwise something to see when you get home to van. :-)

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  3. It's so great to hear that you're out of the hospital, Apis. Here's to continued progress!

    <33

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  4. I am amazed at your progress. I am glad you have your boys and family with you for support. I love hearing your updates. Take care and see you soon!!

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  5. Sounds like you are recovering fantastically - don't worry you'll be back to barbeques and baking in no time! Of course we we will be there to share in the gluttony hee hee.

    We miss you here!

    Nicole

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  6. Wow! You are doing so well! Glad to hear you are out of the hospital! AND you are with your family now! Keeping you in my thoughts & prayers...

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  7. Just eat what you can. You will eventually get your appetite back. Hope your appointment with Dr. T goes well today. Caylee

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  8. "mix of hope and terror" sums it up. Glad to hear you are doing as well as you are, we think of you frequently. Jason came home today, and "mix of hope and terror" just perfectly sums it up. I'm sure the scales will tip farther to hope the further out we get :-), it is so, so much to take in. And so quickly. Take care of yourself! And I'd love to see your & Aiden's book when it's ready. xxxoo Renee

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  9. :-)
    Swain and I send our love!
    Strad

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