Tuesday, 18 September 2012

And to the ER we go

Yesterday should've been the start of the few good days I get in between chemos. I was still tired, so I took it easy, then decided to make banana bread as a surprise for the guys ( I haven't been able to do a lot of cooking, so I thought a treat would be nice.

I got as far as mixing part of the batter, and then nearly passed out.

Luckily my mom had dropped by to visit, so she was here;  I lay down on the floor with her help to try and keep from passing out. She called Chris, who called 911; the paramedics couldn't find my blood pressure, since it was so low, so off to the ER we went.

Happily I never did pass out completely; they got me on IV, took me in to a nearby hospital while Chris came home and mom followed. Aiden had already been picked out by a friend, as he was scheduled to have a class together with him - what a godsend! They were able to look after Aiden all afternoon while we tried to figure out what's up.

The good news is that after various blood and other tests, there's no infection ( yay!); although my white blood count was low even for someone on chemo it wasn't dangerously low after they did a manual count, so I got to go home eventually, at about 9 pm.

The not so great news is that as this happened a couple of weeks ago its probably not related to stomach issues per se, as there were none this time. From what the ER Dr. said he believes its the trauma of the operation and the combination of the effects of the chemo. There's only so much my system can take, so ocassionally it sends signals to shut down.

What I -should  do- is what I did; lay on the floor until hopefully it passes. If I'm home alone with Aiden teach him to use 911 ( we have been, not fun). There were no infections, no respiratory issues, my heart is fine.... but given that its happened a few times, its likely it will continue happening.


So, I shouldn't drive. I should stay really well hydrated ( I am) and basically have a good long talk with my oncologist... but I can't prevent them.  My body is just suddenly going to drop my blood pressure and pull this sort of stunt on me, more than likely.

Obviously, I'm not happy. I have a meeting with Dr. J, my oncologist, on Friday, and we will be discussing many things. Is it the right chemo? I know its the usual for colon cancer, and many other fellow PMPers have had the same regimen; that being said, I can't go the next several months worried about going to the bathroom on my own, or whether getting up to make a sandwich might make me pass out. Is chemo even something we should continue? I know the rationale behind it, but at the end of the day Dr. J started off saying there is no proven benefit, but it was recommended.  If I do stay on chemo, should we adjust the dosage, change it altogether?

So many questions, and so far not enough answers. I haven't had my scan yet, I'm told before the 6 months date it would be too hard to tell with all the scar tissue. I don't know. I want to know if the thing is still in there, waiting. I want to know if putting this poison in my body has a point, because some days it really makes me wonder.

Autumn is coming, and then winter. How the heck are we going to manage that??


  1. Aiya! Oh my gosh, that is so, so scary... D: I'm glad to hear you're recovering from that, but... just having that threat over you on top of everything else... *whines and HUGS* ;__;

  2. Whatever happens with the coming of the colder months, your family and nearby friends will continue to help out, just as they have been doing all along. You, Chris and Aiden are so far from being alone in this. You have an amazing army of people on your side, and loads more cheering from far away. :)

    Just keep writing down your questions and follow your own advice not to stress too much until you've talked to the doctor. ;) You already know exactly what you need to do, of course, you don't need us telling you!

  3. What you do is make sure you don't stand up too quickly, and that you have a chair (or a big beanbag?) or something nearby for when you feel pass-out-y. And be very, very kind to yourself.

    I know you want to keep doing stuff like baking treats and so on but remember that you had an *enormous* surgery (right! as though you're likely to forget that!) and between that and your chemo your system has been horribly insulted. It'll take awhile. I think what your doctor said is right on the money.

    But even with all of this happening - think about where you were just a couple of months ago and how very far you've come! It's more than a little amazing.

    Days-at-the-doctor, though. Blugh. And playing about with meds changes. Equally blugh. You most definitely have my understanding on both fronts. And yeah, there is a point at which the poisoning seems a bit hard to understand - but remember that the slime was killing you. Turn about seems only fair, somehow! :)

  4. Oh honey. So much love and I wish I could give you a comforting hug because it sounds like you really need it. Not sure what I could suggest that hasn't already been suggested. But keep your chin up, you did have a very major surgery and the body reacts differently for different people. And you've been doing amazing this far. It's a setback, but one that can be overcome. Just make sure to keep an open line of communication with your doctors and perhaps they'll have some ideas on what the next step should be. I will be praying for you and sending good thoughts and love.